Thursday, April 12, 2007


Have you ever wished you could be a certain way? I have. I always wanted to be that athletic girl, with a flawless body. The girl that every guy would love to have as their girlfriend. But then I stare into realities ugly face. How could I let myself go? I have always been the heavy set girl all my life. I was born a 10 lbs baby girl. Crazy huh. Even though I've been so heavy all my life, it's always bothered me. And my self-esteem lowers down every time I see those flawless girls.
In elementary school, I was constantly taunted about my weight. Those kids, who were my so called friends made my life a living hell. I was taunted until I graduated 8th grade. I used to go home thinking this was my haven. Once again, I was wrong. My parents taunted me too. They didn't do it like the kids. They would say that I had a pretty face but I was just to FAT!!!!!! I've have heard the "F" word since, I was born. I found it said that there was no where to run.
My little brothers Holy Communion was coming up May 1996. My parents took me to a clothing store to try on some dresses. The one I really wanted did not fit. None of the dresses really did fit me. I promised my parents, I would be able to fit in that dress. " just give me a chance" I said. I did lose weight and I got the dress. High school was not bad. No one really cared. They all thought that I looked good. I wish, I could think like that. There was just so many things I wanted to do to lose weight, but I didn't have money so I was out of luck.
It was winter quarter, and I was in my conditioning class. We had the choice in weighing ourselves for a project. I stared at the balance for about five minutes when I decided to step on. I was really nervous because I haven't weighed myself in years. 185!!!!!!!!! Could the scale be wrong? It just kept reading 185. "Evil little scale" I thought.


Amanda Gehres said...

I really know where you are coming from. I always think the same way when I see those flawless girls. I to was teased in elementary but I tried not to think about it too much. In high school it hit me hard when my volleyball coach told me that if I wanted to play I was going to have to get faster and get in shape. At first I offended that she would tell me that, but then I knew she was just trying to help. It's still hard for me to tell myself that she really was just helping.
It's hard to become ok with your body and know that your not the only one still dealing with it. It makes me laugh sometimes when people say that they are fine with who they are because even if they think they are, they will always think about how things change. So just know that your not the only one. But on a differnt note, I really like the set up of your blog and the picture. It made me laugh!!

Derek John Boczkowski said...

Nice comment, Amanda, and strong story, NYP; however--and this is coming from an expert--I think that you have a ways to go nefore being "fat." I like the picture (a running theme with cats this week!), and I think it fits the sentiment. Watch your proofreading, there are a few errors here (e.g., "reality's face"). Also, start incorporating supporting links in your posts in the future. Overall, a nice, humorous tone, NYP. 5/5

Derek John Boczkowski said...