Thursday, May 17, 2007

Panic Attack!!!!!

I'm sick of everything going wrong. My life is like a fast pace roller coaster that I can never get off. Let me just take this seat belt off. No!!!!! You're going to fall off and get hurt. It doesn't matter any more. Every time I find a way out of a mess, that tunnel only leads me to more problems. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm always nervous. I try to laugh so I can feel better, but I can't bullshit myself.

I need help. School is extremely hard, and I once again feel like a dumb ass. Why can't I keep up. The school psychologist thinks that I have a mild case of ADD. Great another thing I have to stress about. I cannot concentrate on one thing for a long time. My mind is playing games with me. I can't remember things most of the time. As the the seconds, minutes, hours, days past I feel as if I'm getting more and more stupid.

Duh!!!!!!!Melinda get on your grind. Stop slipping, I need you to calm down. So many thoughts running through my head. I have a headache now. My heart is trying to break free from it's prison. Oh my God!!!!! I can't breath. I forgot how to breath. Think Melinda think!!! The dumb ass can't even remember how to breath. Am I really having a panic attack here? Theres no one in sight. Breath damn it!!!!!! Breath!!! No one can help you but yourself. Good! Good girl. I knew you could do it. Keep breathing for me. Please breath for me.