Tuesday, May 8, 2007

What A Failure

I have writers block. I just have so much going through my mind right now, and for some strange reason I cannot put it in writing. I'm just a big ol' mess, emotional and mentally. Why is it that I made it to college, but I can't seem to keep things together. Lately I have been struggling. I can't be an extrordinary student( hahahahaha). I'm not going to lie to myself. I never was the perfect genius. I can't even be average.

In past blogs, I babble on and on how I can't fail, and how failure is not an option. Too late for that!!!!! I have already failed. Sad to say I'm the biggest FAILURE ever. I'm at the brink of failing out of college. Bet mommy and daddy would be proud. My boyfriend tells me, " College is not for everybody babe," that's a bunch of BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I the unfortunate one, right? I'm not going to play the pity role and ask God, " why can't I be smart like the other kids." It's all my fault!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried so hard. But I guess trying hard doesn't cut it. It's all over for me. Everything goes downhill from here. I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!! You hear that? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!! I raise my hand in the air and call uncle. It was a long bumpy ride and the sad part is I didn't even have a chance in the beginning. I set myself up for failure. Why didn't I speak up? Why am I always the girl up in the corner? I should have fought harder. The pathetic part about this is all I wanted was at least a hug from my parents. I wanted to feel like I'm not a piece of shit

I failed my mom. I think about all she went through, all the names she was called. They put her down. And they continue to put her down. By they I mean the family. They say I'm just like her, and we are just alike. But I don't want to be weak. I want to be stronger. I want to be smarter. I want them to hear me loud, " I am my mother!!!!!!!" I will be strong for her. Sorry daddy I have failed you too. You know this guy never thought about himself. He always put his children first. He sacrificed everything financially. He put me in the best private schools to keep me from certain kids. I failed. Sorry mommy and daddy.

1 comment:

Derek John Boczkowski said...

Do you mind me asking how you have failed? I did in fact fail out of school in my first try, having to take classes at a community college while I figured out just what i wanted to do with my life. Failure is not unforgivable; failure is not the end.

I do recommend that you rely less of the extra punctuation marks, NYP. Some more grammatical issues in this post too. also, no link.

2/5 (no link, grammar, late)

Not a grade grade for this post, but far from failure.